I have
this nonsense notion that I can't share photos I took of myself recently
without looking too vain. Yes, I did say nonsense so don't get offended (you
who might have just posted a few of yours). Maybe I'm just not used to posting
photos of my face (just my face, minus companions/picturesque background)
anymore. Come to think of it, my profile pictures since the start of the
post-Friendster era are all cropped versions of photos taken by other people
and wherein most of the time I'm originally with someone else. It just
struck me as odd since a few years (?!?) back, I would not really think much of
taking a posed shot of myself and well, posting it over the internet. These
days, the more candid (but not too candid as to have lost all semblance of
"poise"), the better! I think this is not such a bad thing. It
probably means that I'm a more "deliberately spontaneous" person.
But
since I want to post some photos of myself that are not at all candid, I needed
an excuse. While racking my midnight brain for something I could write about
that would not make me too involved (that I'd end up writing til morning), I
stumbled upon a random thought. A thought that has occurred to me several times
before but haven't had the chance to write down.
I have a
tendency to need to feel
justified. I have the urge to explain myself, to lay out my case. When no one
is even asking. Hahaha. I will elaborate on this some other time (I'm starting
to live healthier now and healthy people sleep not too long after their
bedtime. Urmph.). Just to "resolve" this thought somehow, wanting to justify
myself is something
that I have to battle with now and then. But thank goodness I can do
battle. Because of simple truths I learned way back.
One,
that I am already justified. I have been made right. Even though this does not exactly refer to
not needing excuses to post suspiciously-vain-looking pictures, it does apply
to the things that really matter. Like when I mess up and can't get over it. If
God can forgive me and is ready to give me another shot, why do I waste time
making all sorts of excuses instead of moving on and not making the same
mistake again? Hmn.
And
another thing that would automatically come to my rescue is a catchy line that
I learned in college. Nothing to prove, no one to impress.
Uh-huh. I have nothing left to prove. Actually, I can't prove anything if I
tried. All that matters has already been done. Finished. Jesus already did what
he needed to do to make my life matter. I can't add anything that would make it
matter more. If I somehow make a disaster of things, it doesn't make me matter
any less to Him. What a comforting thought. That I'm living my life not to
perform for Him or anybody, but just because. Because He designed me to do
whatever I'm doing, because He placed in me these passions. Because He wants me
to share in the joy.
For some
who might happen to read this, I might be speaking in riddles but to some who
somehow read through all my blabber, I hope you're reminded of these simple
truths too. It makes me breathe easier each day :).
Oh by
the way, after mulling over the random thought, I lost some interest in posting
my pictures. For no other reason except I took too long to do it. But I'll post
them anyway. If just to remember that day when I spent the whole day at the
beach, went home with stiff muscles, flushed face (nicer word for sunburned),
gritty sand all over, and yet with better-than-most-days hair.
No comments:
Post a Comment