I was ready to hit the sack as early as 8 PM. That would be five hours ago. Obviously, I'm still up (Just so you're sure I haven't developed a knack for doing-FB-while-asleep-when-I'm-not-exactly-a-whiz-at-it-even-when-I'm-awake).
Because of that long sentence, you had to take a breather, so I'm starting a new paragraph. Now, why indeed am I still awake? Well, I could chalk it up to that coffee I drank at about 9 PM (since I could not possibly miss out on a dear friends' after-wedding party and I’m sure glad I didn’t. By the way, it was a blast). However, I still stand by my theory that coffee only has an effect on me psychologically, that is, if I let it have an effect on me. I call it "authority over caffeine". (Did I hear anybody say “Whatever”?)
Before I lose myself over that altogether different topic, I have to go back to the question. If it isn’t the coffee, then it’s probably my natural inclination to stay up late. That would be a valid explanation, too. Except that, I have decided some months ago that I will take advantage of the natural spa treatment good ol’ Sleep has to offer which runs from 10 PM to 2 AM. Since it’s a time-limited offer, I usually grab only about a couple of hours of the body cells’ rejuvenating period. My naturally, erm, deep-set eyes need it, my concealer tubes run out pretty fast.
TRIVIA: Did you know that the word “concealer” is not in MS Word 2007’s dictionary? But it already is in the 2010 version (as of posting this one-year old write-up). I know because it drew a red squiggly line below the two words I just wrote. The word is listed as a noun for “conceal” in dictionary.com but it’s not defined as having anything to do with make-up, though that verb serves the purpose for the dark shadows under my eyes.
Now you might be thinking if I lost my train of thought, but, no, I naturally think that way and I actually think it’s normal. So, then, if I know the value of sleeping at least by midnight, then why am I burning the 2 AM oil? (Not really sorry for the pun, but it’s not intended. I’m trying to be accurate since it is after midnight. Ha.) I have forfeited another night of skin and bone rejuvenation. I sure hope it’s worth the dark circles tomorrow. To be straightforward about it (and you’re thinking, so you can be straightforward?!)— I think, it is worth it.
It’s worth it because (wait a minute, my heart is actually beating a half-beat faster)…
…
…
Now this suspense is overly dramatic for anyone but me so I better blurt it out.
I want to write again.
I mean, really write. Not “pour-out-my-emotions-and-then-I’m-done” write. Not “I-should-write-‘coz-I-used-to-write-didn’t-I” write. But: “Write-because-I-have-something-I-believe-is-worth-writing-about-and-it-just-has-to-be-written”. Write, or else not do anything else at all because I really have to write!
I want to write again, just as I used to want to write. (Have you ever written the same word again and again until you begin to wonder if it is really spelled that way? Crazy, I know, but that happened to me just now and I had to double take on the word “write”. Haha.)
Now, if that isn’t news for you and you’re thinking “why did I spend precious Facebook time reading this”, it’s one of two things: You’re not used to hearing, er, reading me chatter when I’m so outrageously excited. The other is, I’m supposed to limit the accessibility of this note to those who would kind of understand (operative words are “kind of”) what in the world I’m talking about. But I failed to do so ‘coz as I mentioned in this (what!) 563-word-and-counting litany, I am not quite the Facebook whiz.
TRIVIA #2: Did you know that Facebook is also still not recognized in the MS Word 2007 dictionary? Oh you did? Well, I was surprised it wasn’t. BUT, it is accurately defined in dictionary.com, even the verb form, both “with or without object“! Example, “I Facebooked some photos.” and “Does your mom Facebook?”
Nevertheless, I apologize to the one or two person/s who might have endured through that probably-confusing slide and tumble of words. However, I just want to set this one thing straight: I AM glad (relieved, joyful, pleased, gleeful, thrilled) to have written ALL that. I’m glad I could write again. I’m glad that I know I will write again soon (hopefully, it will be a bit more coherent). Without fear in my heart that I will not be able to finish it (Another story coming on that). And with just the right amount of desire that people would want to read what I’ve got to say. And the thing is, that longing to “be read” is not what motivates me to write but the belief that I have got something to say and I want to write it down.
If you weren’t confused earlier, I might have succeeded at making you bewildered after that paragraph. If it’s any excuse, that elaboration on my joy at finding the desire and will to write again was an attempt to make it sound more intelligent (no?) but actually the I-hope-it-finally-hits-you message is this: I am terribly, inexcusably excited because I am writing again!
Having cleared that up, I have to draw to a close, somehow. You know, relieve you of your misery if you were courageous or curious enough to stay with me this far. I will close with a prayer.
A prayer that, “Lord may you give me more grace to fan this flame to write. I am convinced that it is part of Your design of me. I want to write as a useful tool in Your Kingdom-work. I want to write to honor You. My Dream-maker, grant me the grace to fight for this desire to write. And I already pray for the next thing I’m going to write about. With your grace and inspiration, I will keep on writing! In Jesus’ name.”
P.S. The topic I had originally planned to write about before my excitement got the better of me and I end up with this 928-word-and-still-counting written monologue is actually the original thought that moved me to sit down in front of my laptop and open the Facebook Notes page. The second subject matter was actually the first thing that came to heart when I started to putter through those first few lines. Because I have to succumb to slumber now, that subject will be the next thing I put on black and white.
P.P.S. It’s 3:59 now so I guess this entire thing took me about two hours. If you still haven’t realized from how I’ve sort of kept tabs on my number of paragraphs and now a Time Check, these all goes to show that I am ridiculously tickled over the reality of writing again. And by the way, the tentative title of my next note is: “I am never enough for Christmas but Christmas is more than enough for me”.
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